What is the difference between Domestic Abuse and the tactics used on a person in an imprisonment camp?
Recently I had lunch with a retired US Airforce colonel and as the conversation shifted to my career as a divorce coach, he became very intrigued when I mentioned I specialize in helping men recover from toxic relationships and domestic abuse. I shared with him my personal experience, facts from my training and stories from a few of my nameless clients in an attempt to help him understand my niche. As I looked across the table at him in the busy restaurant his eyes were the size of the saucer plates that our coffee cups were setting on. He gazed back at me with a confused and concerned face; he said these are the same tactics that are used in wartime imprisonment camps… but this was being done in the sanctity of people’s own home?! I then shared with him a few statistics one being that nearly 1 in 2 women and more than 2 in 5 men in the US experience some form of intimate partner violence in their lifetime to help him understand how prevalent this problem is and why the work we do as post separation and divorce coaches is so necessary.
I have listed some facts below as a comparison ONLY and not to dramatize domestic abuse but to help those that have never lived this experience have a point of referance and to give those that have a level of understanding for what they have been through and survived.
It’s really about accurately naming the psychological mechanisms that both systems use to break down autonomy, identity, and resistance. The setting is different, but the mechanisms are nearly identical as well as the impact on the human nervous system.
Both domestic abuse and imprisonment camps rely on coercive control — a strategic pattern of domination that dismantles a person’s freedom from the inside out.
Isolation → Fear → Control → Dependency → Identity Breakdown
Domestic Abuse
Cutting them off from friends, family, coworkers
Monitoring his phone or social media
Discouraging outside relationships
Creating conflict with people who support him
Prison Camps
Physical isolation
Restricted communication
No access to outside information
2. Unpredictable Cycles of Reward and Punishment
Domestic Abuse
Love‑bombing → rage → silent treatment → affection
Constant emotional whiplash
“Good days” used as leverage
Prison Camps
Arbitrary punishments
Occasional small “kindnesses”
Inconsistent rules
3. Erosion of Identity
Domestic Abuse
Gaslighting
Character attacks
Humiliation
Blaming them for everything
Prison Camps
Dehumanization
Stripping individuality
Forced compliance
4. Constant Hypervigilance of the Victims
Shared Experience
Monitoring the controller’s mood
Anticipating danger
Walking on eggshells
Nervous system stuck in fight‑flight‑freeze‑fawn
5. Control of Basic Needs
Domestic Abuse
Controlling money
Restricting sleep
Monitoring food or communication
Emotional deprivation
Prison Camps
Control of food, water, shelter
Control of movement
Control of safety
6. Reality Distortion
Domestic Abuse
“That never happened.”
“You’re too sensitive.”
“You’re imagining things.”
Prison Camps
Propaganda
Forced confessions
Psychological conditioning
7. Entrapment Without Visible Chains
Domestic Abuse
Fear of false accusations
Fear of losing children
Financial entrapment
Threats, intimidation, guilt
Prison Camps
Physical captivity
Surveillance
Punishment for escape attempts
8. Systematic Breakdown of Autonomy of the Victims
Both systems:
Limit choices
Punish independence
Reward compliance
Create dependency
Remove personal agency
9. Long‑Term Psychological Effects on the Victims
Shared outcomes:
CPTSD
Complex trauma
Dissociation
Shame
Hypervigilance
Emotional numbing
Difficulty trusting
Identity confusion
